4 Tips to Get Started in Creating What You Want in Your Life

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA“Life is a kind of Chess, with struggle, competition, good and ill events” – Benjamin Franklin

As I read this quote I think about how I metaphorically lived my own game of chess in life. I’d like to share a tidbit of my story so you can see how my game was played. I will then share 3 tips that you can use to help you get started in creating what you want in your life.

The early years of my life were filled with love, life and laughter, and then came middle school and being bullied. I was used as a scape goat by a class mate and as if that was not enough my parents went through a difficult divorce. My calm and comfortable life had changed; my mother, sisters and I had to leave the countryside and our four legged furry friends, behind…the horses, cats and dogs.

These furry creatures were my safe friends, my support, more than just four legged bodies; they were warm souls that protected me while I escaped demeaning words that were damaging to my inner soul.

As a result, I became a champion at pleasing people, and for years I committed to boosting the well-being of others to avoid being rejected. I sacrificed my own needs and in the process developed a deep awareness. I learned how to tap into people’s body language and their emotional energy. Today, I consider that a gift as it helps me understand people at a deeper level, and how to help them.

Do you relate with any of this? Did kids in school or any other place pick on you? They can be so mean!

As time progressed, I learned to maneuver, metaphorically speaking, the chess-board game of life; approaching each move with a strategy of suppressing my feelings to avoid feeling rejected. I played the role of pawn, working hard and devaluing myself while adhering to society’s rules and expectations. The rook, using a strong wall of defensive barriers to prevent others from entering my domain and exerting control over manipulating others so they would like me. A knight, who even though I was highly educated, still lacked the self-confidence in believing in myself to moving forward. And a bishop, where I tried to connect with the mysteries and wonders of life, and connecting with that inner faith, but I didn’t understand that move.

As I was maneuvering through my life, I started to question if I would ever become the queen of my kingdom. How would I represent myself, be my authentic true self, in this game we call life? I played the moves and lived the roles of daughter, sister, wife, mother, student and friend, and entered the corporate world for two decades as a worker bee.  I did it all, I did what society, family, institutions, etc. expected of me. I played it safe and followed all of the rules. But then I faced checkmate.

After experiencing a terrible motor vehicle accident with a deer and years later a horrific dog attack, I was propelled into questioning what we on earth call ‘Life’. I hit a wall and could not do it anymore. I could not live a unauthentic life, I was on auto-pilot. This is when I experienced a turning point!

Through healing my past I was finished with playing an inharmonious game, I decided to listen to my intuition, that inner voice that knew the truth, and reach for my personal kingdom. I wanted to live with purpose and passion in my life, more richness and meaning.

I invested in my self and participated in numerous personal development and educational workshops where I began to identify with who I want to be, and what I really want.

I also discovered and followed my heart and enrolled in graduate school expanding on what I wanted, and a determination to live my best life.

On my journey I witnessed incredible women and men fulfilling their dreams and I wanted a piece of that. I discovered and learned unique approaches to helping people heal, learn and grow.

As a result, I created my own unique private practice programs that have touched so many lives over the years.

So many live an unconscious life, pushing aside that subliminal message that tugs at the inner soul, and then we find ourselves living in a corner, a confinement with nowhere to go.

But, that can change; you too can conquer your kingdom and create what you want in life.

Following are 4 tips to help you get started in creating what you want in YOUR life.

1. Slow down and breathe. Today’s society is telling us to push ourselves more than ever. With the advent of the World Wide Web, meeting deadlines, multitasking, meetings, and so on we are feeling the pressure, but it is taking a toll on our bodies and our minds. Our bodies and minds were not meant to take the constant endless stress and pressure. Purposely slowing down and taking breaks whether at work or at home, is so good for your physical and mental health. If you are thinking I have to get this done, you need to prioritize and say to yourself, “My health is more important.” Can it wait? Prioritize!

A phrase I like to use is “I have all the time I need.”

When you allow society to determine what you want in your life you are giving away your power. You are depending on others expectations to make the choices for you. Take back your power and make your own moves. When you slow down and breathe, this is when the answers and guidance from within surface to help you create what you want. If you do not do this, there is very little space for it to enter.

2. Ask yourself “What is missing in my life” –  be honest. Is it a purpose, a healthier relationship, friends, contentment, happiness? What do you really want, what does your heart desire? Be precise. Consciously build yourself into the person you want to become, do not slide into auto-pilot. Choose how you want to live your life, it’s your life!

3. Ask yourself “Why do I want this?” What are your reasons, is it fulfillment, helping others, not feeling in alignment with your current career/job, making this a better world, feeling better about self, health. Think of it as something you ‘must’ do. Also, think about it in terms of years later, will you regret not taking the risk to do this.

4. Take action. Sitting and waiting for what you want to come into your life will not automatically appear. You have to take responsibility and do what is necessary to help you move forward. Once you know what you want and why you want it, your mind, your inner compass, will work with you in getting there, as you are in alignment. This is how it works!

Create a plan for getting there. Come up with your action plan, get it out of your head and write it out on paper. Chunk it down into 90 day segments. The idea is to put the focus into moving forward, as where the focus goes the energy flows. Don’t worry about the details; instead focus on the ‘must’ actions. Use your passions or mission, use your ‘must’ as a motivator.

Use this 90 Day Action Plan Worksheet to help you with your brainstorming ideas and prioritizing. Click here for the 90 Day Action Plan Worksheet

Ask yourself what could be more important than creating what you really want in this life. When you know what you want and why you want it, getting the results becomes easier and easier. Experiencing the fruits of life and deciding your own powerful moves in your kingdom are up to you…you can do it, it’s your birthright! If you don’t, you will leave it up to someone else to decide for you.

Know this from someone who is use to risk taking, what you want to create in life and getting the results will absolutely astound you, but you have to do the work and start now. And I have never met anyone who has regretted following their heart’s desire.

I’d love to hear some of the specific actions you are taking  to create what you want  in your life.




4 Responses to “4 Tips to Get Started in Creating What You Want in Your Life”

  1. Tina Games

    This is such a moving post, Pam! Many thanks for sharing your story! ~ Life presents so many interesting experiences with other people – and sometimes these experiences can have everlasting effects. Even as an adult, I find that people can say mean things, intentionally or unintentionally – and then I’m left with trying to figure out whether or not they meant harm. ~ As an example, I was at a conference two years ago when a woman attempted to mock my southern accent – and the way she did it was hateful. I felt myself getting angry and rather than responding from my “authentic self” – I found myself responding from my “conditioned self” by mocking her strong midwest accent. ~ Why I had allowed her to trigger me in this way – was something I had to ponder that day. Did she mean to be as cruel as she came across? Or was she just trying to be funny – in a way that wasn’t really funny? ~ I love the metaphor you’ve used in this blog post – a chess board. It really does capture the art of “life maneuvering.” And how we play each piece is up to us.

  2. Bonnie Nussbaum

    I love your prose, Pam! The comparison to the chess game was inspired. I’m going to print this off and when I have a break today, spend time answering your questions. Thanks!

  3. Teena

    Thank you for sharing a tidbit of your story Pam…it’s amazing how we all have our own unique story, teachers, and lessons in life to keep us moving closer to our authentic path and purpose. I love that you are a “Chooser” in your life – you chose not to live with the problems of everyday life, but rather you chose to find solutions and live an extraordinary life! Thanks again for sharing your authenticity 🙂


  4. Barbara

    Great insights Pam! I love the game of chess; I like how it challenges me to think strategically. What your life experiences have given you will look like nothing in comparison to the gift that has come from it to bless and benefit others. Thank you so much for sharing your gift with the world.



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